esmio06: (Default)

Most humans are forgotten to have ever existed after two generations.

I remember reading Gilgamesh as a teen. Yes I know I was weird. The thought stuck with me: immortality is being remembered. How will my life impact others and how long will it be remembered? Those were the questions that drove a lot of my character formation.

NoW, life over half over and I have been truly lucky. Another thing that struck me at Young age: a man can count himself truly blessed is, at his death bed, he can count two true friends. I have more true friends than I can count. I have a very successful career. I have treated love (thought it was lost, I have tasted it). Yet, I know that, like the rest of the world, within two generations, I still have never existed.
It is not an easy calling to leave a lasting impact on the world. Hell, it is not an easy calling to leave am impact on a family name. Very few ever achieve it, and thus we remember their names and deeds.
My heart has to change. I, in all likelihood will not impact anything enough to be remembered in one hundred years. It is fairly narcissistic to think I could.
The question note lies in the arena: what can I do for true lasting happiness now; if there is no eternal remembrance to be achieved? I know this life is but party of a journey. What foundation do I note lay for the future parts?
I look back, at a life over half complete, and think of the best memories. Those were always in service to others. Bringing a smile to somebody's face, helping a strange, lnowing that I had helped alleviate any suffering, these were the brightest moments. Of course having a family and being a step dad was the brightest by far, but assuming that path is now past, the true happiness seems to only be found in helping others.
So, reflecting on that thought, in my successful career, there is very little room our time for that. Do I now look to a new career, that will pay less that a quarter what I now make, where I can help others; our, do I try to find a way to help other while doing what I now do?
These are but questions for anybody reading. They are the questions I must answer myself.
"When I hurt most, then may I help most.  When I have joy, may I not relish in it; rather, may I find a way of spreading the joy."
When I was a teenager, a have myself a credo, " may all those who pass through my life be better for having known me." I fall short of it so often; but, it has always been in the back of my mind. This is not a statement of how good I am.  It is a challenge to myself. Show love. Show compassion. Show gratitude. Not by my words, but by my life may these ideals be shown.
No matter what had come, our what may come, I will show love... And a smile.
This may not always be true but I fui strive for all of these ideals.
Love, peace, and joy to you all.

and the

Apr. 4th, 2016 03:41 pm
esmio06: (Default)
A friend posted a topic on FB recently about what gets you up, and why keep fighting. I have been pondering my answer all day. Here is what I answered:
So I can't speak for anybody else, but I get up and keep fighting because of hope. Yes survival is a huge part, but I do have hope that I can not only be happy, but that I can reduce the suffering of others. Yes that may be artificial as the matrix, but even if the suffering reduced is just an illusion, as long as those I touch occasionally perceive that they feel better, then it is all worth it.
I was talking to a friend last night about a similar topic. I used to have a motto, or credo, "I want all who come through my life to be better off for having known me." I know this ideal is impossible to actually reach, but it the direction I strove. I hope that this case holds true as I grow as a man.
This spins into a side topic that I will look more into later: people pleasing. This term is one of my least favorite ever. It is a good thing, in my mind and heart, to look for opportunities to make others happy. The idea that this is a bad thing or a weakness sickens me.
esmio06: (Default)
I ad posted this back in May while I was struggling with the break up and all of that crap. Now that I am trhough the fire, I re-read it and still believe it. I wold like to revisit a discussion of this topic though:

I have heard 3 o 4 people lately say that they believe that true love is simply wanting to see the other person happy. This got me thinking and I would like some opinions on this statement.

Before reading this, no this does not have to do with my feelings for my ex or her situation. this is a self evaluation of what I want out of life in the future.

here is mine so far (this is flud and still evolving).
Happiness is or can be fleeting adn things that make us happy at the moment may not be what makes us happy in the long run. I think that I believe, so far, that love is sometimes being willing to se the or even make the person you love temporarily unhappy. Think of a father spanking their child or letting the child touch the hot stove. That is parental love but i beleive the same can be true in relationship love. Where you know the person well enough to know that the temprary happiness your lover will gain from what they are about to do will make them more miserable in the long run. That doesnt mean that you lay down the law and stop them, but you do, if you love them, express your concern.
Letting somebody do whatever they ant may appear to be love, but not sharing your concerns, to me, seems cowardly, not loving. That sounds harsh I know, and i dont mean it harsh.
The context i have heard this in lately from several people is "I would rather see them (their lover) happy with somebody else, than unhappy, or even content with me."
This is where the quote at the bottom of this page comes into play to me. Love is not just a feeling. As things get rough and you go through "sinking ship" syndrome together, love builds; as you go through great times, love builds; as you go through boring times, love builds. It is all of this journey that makes for love, IMHO, not just a season, a feeling or a goose bump.
So after thinking about these statements, I respectfully disagree with people who think that if you really love somebody you want them to be happy with somebody else, unless that happiness is what I described above.

As promised, here is the quote that describes love bettter than anythign i have ever read ebfroe except maybe 1 Corinthians 13

From Captain Corelli's Mandolin:
"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!

March 2017

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