esmio06: (Default)
The next diatribe.
and for those who wonder if these are geared at specific topics or events... no. They spun out of me looking at my life and sometime specific events got me to question how i would act in different situations and why, but I am not targeting anybody with any of these... except myself and who I want to be. In my exploration of whom and what I am lately, I have discovered a few things about myself. I can feel pain, I can make bad decisions, I can blame others for my decisions, and many other negatives. I have also discovered many positives. The challenge of this series of writings, to me, is to make myself the person I want to be.

joy, happiness, pleasure and gratification
(please don’t get me wrong instant gratification is fun I like it too).
Out of the last ramble, I was looking at how we are prone to confuse happiness with gratification. What i want now out weighs what I can have later even if what I get later is better.
A hypothetical example.: rolling simulates euphoria, happiness and contentment. These are also things that we can work for and achieve. We see something pretty, a new car, a new toy, a new sex partner and we don’t think about what the trade offs are. We get a toothache and rub ora-gel on it until it rots out because the pain was gone but we didn’t treat the problem (yes i have done that recently).
Shrinks would blame the advertising and internet for these things. Where we can get or see whatever we want, our way. I am not here to really worry about why I/we behave that way; I want to look at what the differences are and leave each of us to decide what we want.
So far i have looked at honor, Love, and loyalty. The reason this next group is together is because I think these are results or casualties of those 1st 3 topics:

So lets start with gratification:
A need where something is immediately needed or desired is filled. "I’m thirsty, hungry, horny etc." I get the thing that was missing, or wanted and i am gratified. This may or may not lead to pleasure. Pleasure, in the aforementioned examples would come from getting the thing that gratified or fulfilled your/our was enjoyable. (i.e. I’m thirsty and got a nice cold Guinness). It was enjoyable/pleasurable, but may not lead to happiness. a pleasure is something that is enjoyable at the moment it is being done but doesn’t necessarily translate into a mood. A few beers or drinks may lead to happiness though because i may get a buzz and my mood can be elevated from doing something that is enjoyable to feeling happy..
This is where the line gets harder to cross. Happiness is a mood, not a state of being. It is hard to cross from a mood to a state of being. Drinking more beer or the same amount of beer more often will not elevate me to joy. It may prolong my happiness, or it may destroy me, but it will not bring me to joy.
At this point, before I go into my sermon on what I have come to believe joy is to me, I would lie to interject that this is the one I really want feedback on. What yall think joy is, how you achieve it, have you achieved it etc
and on to joy )
esmio06: (Default)
several people replied, so ere is my little diatribe:

Loyalty in friendship
first and foremost means that you are actually friends. this means that you know the person. The reason this is important is because somethings that would offend or betray certain friends would not offend others in the slightest.
But basically it comes down to one real thing, doing the best you can to not do something for selfish gain that you know would cause any kind of pain to the other person.
what loyalty is not is blind. IMHO, a truly loyal friend will sometimes piss their friend off by being honest


honor, loyalty, love and I think most good traits that humans have the potential to possess revolved at elast in part around "do no harm...."

It is easy, especially in our lifestyle of "have it our way..." to just take instant gratification for ourselves, and for our loved ones. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes appeasing our appetites at the expenses of others, or helping our loved ones appease their appetites to their own demise is truly the antithesis of love, honor or loyalty.
esmio06: (Default)
I have heard 3 o 4 people lately say that they believe that true love is simply wanting to see the other person happy. This got me thinking and I would like some opinions on this statement.

Before reading this, no this does not have to do with my feelings for my ex or her situation. this is a self evaluation of what I want out of life in the future.

here is mine so far (this is flud and still evolving).
Happiness is or can be fleeting adn things that make us happy at the moment may not be what makes us happy in the long run. I think that I believe, so far, that love is sometimes being willing to se the or even make the person you love temporarily unhappy. Think of a father spanking their child or letting the child touch the hot stove. That is parental love but i beleive the same can be true in relationship love. Where you know the person well enough to know that the temprary happiness your lover will gain from what they are about to do will make them more miserable in the long run. That doesnt mean that you lay down the law and stop them, but you do, if you love them, express your concern.
Letting somebody do whatever they ant may appear to be love, but not sharing your concerns, to me, seems cowardly, not loving. That sounds harsh I know, and i dont mean it harsh.
The context i have heard this in lately from several people is "I would rather see them (their lover) happy with somebody else, than unhappy, or even content with me."
This is where the quote at the bottom of this page comes into play to me. Love is not just a feeling. As things get rough and you go through "sinking ship" syndrome together, love builds; as you go through great times, love builds; as you go through boring times, love builds. It is all of this journey that makes for love, IMHO, not just a season, a feeling or a goose bump.
So after thinking about these statements, I respectfully disagree with people who think that if you really love somebody you want them to be happy with somebody else, unless that happiness is what I described above.

As promised, here is the quote that describes love bettter than anythign i have ever read ebfroe except maybe 1 Corinthians 13

From Captain Corelli's Mandolin:
Iannis:
"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!
esmio06: (Default)
I consider one of the great things my dad taught me was honor. honor has nothing to do with doing what is right when that is wht you wanted to do anyways. It takes honor to do the right thing even when what you want is against what you know is right.
Honor makes you step forward when you have done wrong and admit it. Honor forbids you from making excuses for your behavior, rather dictates that you change when you are wrong.
I think this is where my concept of sacrifice comes from. that when a choice between my pleasure and somebody else's needs is at stake, honor comes to play. that is when the choice of do I just go for the instant fun I want now, or do I remember what my dad taught me?
Don't get me wrong there have been plenty of times i have messed that up, that I gave into what i wanted right then withuot thinking of the cost to others, but I believe that each one of those has hit me so hard that it ingrains that lesson even deeper into my being.
This is not a reflection on anything I have been through lately, other than self examination.
This is a big part of who I hop I am, and the little bit of this that does shine in me, I thank my parents for.

Im not a big bible thumper.. anymore, actually not really big on it at all anymore, but to me
Honor, imho, is one of the key components of love

" 1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

March 2017

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