closing time

Closing time.

There are few times in bars that stand out like closing time. The people that are left are your true diehards and the desperate. It is fun to watch the interaction of the horney and the alcoholic. People scurrying around trying to get the last decent looking lay in the bar, while the last decent lay is fanatically trying to get in the last drink or ten.

The pulse of the bass has now droned into the background as your body becomes immune to it. Your eyes have adjusted (for good or bad) to the flashing of the strobes and the sudden blackness between songs. This has become daylight.

At the end of the bar is one guy, fairly good looking too, that has gone un noticed by the horneys. He sits quietly in the dark nursing the last few drops of rum soaked ice. You can see him visibly tense up as he is noticed and one of the girls starts heading towards him. Conversation was never his reason for going out.

She approaches in her bubbly, half drunk way and asks him to breakfast. Oblivious of her come on he retorts that grease doesn’t agree with rum. She tries a couple more subtle ways of asking him home before finally giving in and asks him to fuck her. You just thought he was flustered before. Now he is trying t check her out to see if she will do. Not like he really has any standards, but he has to pretend for himself that he does.

Realizing that she is actually fairly attractive also he attempts to stand up. This is a fiasco even when he is not flustered. This man has not left the corner of the bar more than once all night. The nerves running from his brain to his legs have long since gone to bed.
As my routine begins, I begin cleaning the bottles behind the bar and putting caps on all of them so the fruit flies (that don’t exist here in hell) cant get into the liquor 9schnappes and tequila).

I know the dreadful moment of enlightenment is mere moments away. Soon t will turn on the house lights and play “Happy Trails” for the nine bajazillionth time. There is really no shock like that sudden reality of the hose lights. The illusion ends and reality sets in. the best that one can hope for is to make out of the door to the dimness of the car before they can see what their new mate actually looks like. Or heaven forbid, before they see what you look like.

One good thing about this bar is all the mirrors are mercury, this makes it almost impossible to get a really good picture of yourself in the bathroom. The red eyes look nice and ominous in the wavey mirrors. Not bloodshot and dead like they really are.

Kind of glad my bartender didn’t show up. I got to spend the night out here filling in for her instead of back in the office doing paper work. Now after close I get to drink alone in the office while I pretend to do paperwork. What are they going to do if I fuck it up? Send me to hell?

had this on my myspace a while back

Outsourcing Hits the Pentagon
As reported by David Dominick

In a recent press conference, Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced that, after careful consideration, the Pentagon and all of its duties would be outsourced over seas.

A recent rash of off shoring, the practice of sending jobs overseas to save money has hit almost every area of the American economy. This recent move, however, is the first time that a whole government agency has been sent off shore. Figures show that over 225 billion dollars could be saved annually with this one action.

2 Companies were in the running for the contract: Halliburton and AlQueda. McClellan said that when it all came down to it, “AlQueda just ran a more efficient proposal. “

According to McClellan, “no Americans would lose their jobs in this move…[people] would be relocated to other lacking areas of the government.”

Senator Joe Biden from Delaware was quoted as saying, “what the f*ck? I knew George was on drugs but this is insane.” Later he retracted that statement and said, “I apologize for my earlier comments that were taken totally out of context. I disagree with this action was the jist of what I was trying to say… oh screw it.”

In their first act as the decision makers for the Pentagon, AlQueda has ordered a full withdrawal of all troops from Afghanistan. Spokes person Mr. Bin Laden stated, “The removal of troops from Afghanistan will allow us to focus on targets of greater concern.”

When asked what these targets were, Mr. Bin Laden merely said, “I cannot comment on matters of jihad, I mean National Security.”

President George Bush has come out in support of the new pentagon stating, “Mr. Bin Laden has my full confidence.”

When asked about security concerns over the new ownership of the Pentagon, President Bush responded, “"I don't understand why it's OK for a American company to operate our military but not a company from the Middle East when we've already determined security is no longer an issue,"

Upon hearing rumors that congress would try to block AlQueda from continuing to run the Pentagon, President Bush declared, “I will VETO any bill that attempts to hold up operations of AlQueda in the Pentagon.”