seasons

life is a funny thing. Over the many many year I have learned a lot
and forgotten more
one thing that has held true
what you hold as a foundation will be shaken
first you begin to trust
then you KNOW
then you brag about what you know
then it crumbles
Some have jobs
some have love
some have friends
but all will find themselves, at one time or another.
STRIPPED
SHATTERED
Crumbled
The best we can hope is that some of the pieces made it to the floor so we can rebukld some semblance of life... Maybe stronger
...maybe weaker but something
Over the last year I have made some mistakes. Hurt some people, while truly beliving i was doing the right thing... all for nothing. To those, who probably would never read my words, I apologize. I hoinestly believed I was standing up for what was right.
To my pieces on the floor.. I think i will leave you there. Still a few in hte box and I want to see what I cna make with the new pieces.

I know this is getting long and diverse, but still more to explore in my psyche
I have two things that carry me, or I thought did..
Family
and fiends
a while a go my mom got sick and rocked my world. She is not the same person and frankly I dont know how to handle it... *yes I suck)
friends.... I always considered friends the same as family... they are not... period.
Family will be there for you rather they think Im right or not... friends will be there sometimes, but mostly friends are not malicious, but still is not blood. They are not out for you above themselves.
I was raised Italian and we put our blood above ourselves in credo.. but it is more than that.. we believe that anybody we accpet as family.. blood or not.. is worth losing everything for. We will take someody and consider them family, and when we do.. we mean it.. we would die for you like we would die fo our mom, dan, son or daughter.. without question. weird to learn that is not reciprocated
hehe maybe this rant hold have been seperate post from the pseudo poem above it/
So worlds crumble... friendship is a word. that is a hard lesson. I guess no matter what, it has always meant more to me. I consider many people to be great acquaintances but very few friends... I have learned recently that many of them that call me close don';t even know if Im alive or dead unless it costs them something
Thank god for the rest, the Jeans of the world that have saved my life at great personal cost. the Abes of the world that would sacrafice of themselves for my survival... the Freds of the world who would not reject or turn their back on me o matter how hard I tried to push them away. And many many more

No matter how I feel,I know that i am blessed woth the best friends from all sectors and walks of lide anybody could ask for.
No matter the ones that cme and pass... some will last forever




herein lies the question.. are you the type of person who could be a friend forever.. no atter who that person becomes.. as long as they canalso be your friend?


the ramble continues to eat up lines on your lj home page...the part I regret and disdain about myself is it appear that my friendship and loyalty are contingent on rather you at the same way towards me. This may not same bad to yu, bu tto me it is horrific. I want to be a friend to people even if they dont treat or consider me a friend. Dont know if i am a xtian or not, but I want to demonstrate the type of love that gives all with no consideration of cost to self with no conditions...
I ail miserably... for now, but I am getting better.
Maybe one day I will be able to truly love without need for anything, but much to my dismay.. today... I need to be loved back